Safety in Numbers

With the latest developments in the Craigslist killer case in Boston, I believe a safety reminder is in order.

Ladies, I shouldn't have to tell you that your first meeting with a man should NEVER take place at his home. Not only because the situation is completely unsafe but also because a man who intends to develop a relationship with you does not take you home before he takes you out. Meet in a public place. There is safety in numbers.

Here are some other safety tips for online daters, courtesy of Match.com:

DO tell a friend.Tell at least one friend or family member you are meeting, where you are going and when you expect to return. Let your date know the meeting is not a secret.
Tip: Contact your friend before and after the date or ask your friend to contact you at a predetermined time.

DO stay sober.Refrain from drinking excessively, as it could impair your ability to make good decisions and may put you at risk.
Tip: Stick to nonalcoholic drinks when meeting someone for the first time.

DON'T leave home without your mobile phone.If you have a mobile phone, take it with you on dates. Most cell phones can be used to call 911.
Tip: Make sure 911 services are available in your area. If not, know your emergency number.

DON'T ask the other person to pick you up.Get yourself to and from the date, even if you have to have a friend drive you or take a taxi.

DON'T leave personal belongings (purses, wallets) or drinks unattended.Don't risk having your personal information stolen. The same goes for your drink — don't risk having it tampered with.
Tip: If you must leave your drink unattended to go to the restroom, order another when you return.

DON'T succumb to the temptation to take first dates to your home (or to go to his/her home). Stay in a public place, even if you are pressured. If you feel pressured, end the meeting and leave at once.
Tip: If you are followed to where you parked your car, stop and hail a taxi or go into another public place to use the telephone and phone a friend. Come back later with your friend to get your car.

Blue Light Special

No woman needs a man who is full of excuses. 

With a flurry of ifs, ands and maybes, men keep us perched on the edge of our seats awaiting their next moves. Will he show up or won't he? Will he call or won't he? And the man who keeps us waiting with anticipation is usually full of excuses too.

It's funny how we tend to put up with less from our female friends than we do from the men in our lives. We lower the bar even more for the men we haven't quite pulled in yet. It's like we give them the blue light special on standards because we think if we make it easy on them, they'll want us more. 

So, in an ideal situation... A place where women are coherent, clear-thinking individuals who are not blinded by the possibilities or pretty white teeth or the fine ass in those jeans... How many excuses are too many? What's the cut off number? If he says "no" 3 times, do you walk away? If he doesn't show up once, do you call it quits? When do you say when?

I think it's time to make some rules and stick to them no matter how hot or rich or "perfect" he is. No woman needs a man who is full of excuses.

Serious Comedy

Comedian Steve Harvey's book ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A MAN shot to the top of the best seller list and found it's way into my hands a short time later. The subtitle on the cover says, "WHAT MEN REALLY THINK ABOUT LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS, AND COMMITMENT." How could a girl pass up a tell-all like that?

Typically, I don't read. But it took me all of three days to get through all 232 pages of Steve Harvey wisdom. Some will say it's just more of the same, more of the "He's Just Not That Into You" craze that keeps bubbling up around the country. But I disagree. If you are a single woman who cannot figure out WHY you are single, this is a great read that is filled with truth and advice. In fact, that is the fundamental difference between the two afore-mentioned books. Women who keep chasing after men who have rejected them should read "He's Just Not That Into You." Women who are amazing, independent, together females should read Steve Harvey's book.

For years, I have said, "I don't need a man in my life. But I want a man." And being a modern, independent woman who sets herself apart from all the damsels in distress out there, I thought I was making not only a profound statement but also a statement that men longed to hear. Part of that has grown out of dating men who had a lot of money and whose previous relationships involved women who sponged off of them. I did not want to be that woman. Another part of it grew out of the constant training to become the woman I am today.

I've always known than men are designed to care for their women but Steve Harvey's book was a reminder. It made me take a long hard look at how I have been presenting myself and the image I have portrayed. When I sat back and thought about it for a while, I remembered what I always wanted as a child.

I want to be a wife. And I want to be a mom. And I want a man that can provide for his family. Just like the family I grew up in... Not only do I want it but, I need it.