Comedian Steve Harvey's book ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A MAN shot to the top of the best seller list and found it's way into my hands a short time later. The subtitle on the cover says, "WHAT MEN REALLY THINK ABOUT LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS, AND COMMITMENT." How could a girl pass up a tell-all like that?
Typically, I don't read. But it took me all of three days to get through all 232 pages of Steve Harvey wisdom. Some will say it's just more of the same, more of the "He's Just Not That Into You" craze that keeps bubbling up around the country. But I disagree. If you are a single woman who cannot figure out WHY you are single, this is a great read that is filled with truth and advice. In fact, that is the fundamental difference between the two afore-mentioned books. Women who keep chasing after men who have rejected them should read "He's Just Not That Into You." Women who are amazing, independent, together females should read Steve Harvey's book.
For years, I have said, "I don't need a man in my life. But I want a man." And being a modern, independent woman who sets herself apart from all the damsels in distress out there, I thought I was making not only a profound statement but also a statement that men longed to hear. Part of that has grown out of dating men who had a lot of money and whose previous relationships involved women who sponged off of them. I did not want to be that woman. Another part of it grew out of the constant training to become the woman I am today.
I've always known than men are designed to care for their women but Steve Harvey's book was a reminder. It made me take a long hard look at how I have been presenting myself and the image I have portrayed. When I sat back and thought about it for a while, I remembered what I always wanted as a child.
I want to be a wife. And I want to be a mom. And I want a man that can provide for his family. Just like the family I grew up in... Not only do I want it but, I need it.
March 23, 2009
March 16, 2009
Sexting, Texting & Other Disturbing Dating Trends
News reports say that sexting, or the act of sending a text message that contains sexual content, is the latest in disturbing trends among teenagers. However, I would challenge the media to take a longer look at the practice. Adults are engaging in sexting just as often, if not more, than today's kids. In fact, I would count sexting among a number of disturbing trends I uncovered while actively participating in the dating world over the last six months.
Did I personally receive sex messages? Yes. Many times. Text messages and emails were sent to me containing pictures, videos and sexually explicit invitations. Initially, I didn't know how to respond. I was in shock for a moment before I was a little hurt and then angry. What kind of girl does a guy have to think you are before he sends you a dirty message?
Text messages in general have become such an accepted method of communication that I actually think it inhibits the dating process and not just when the messages are of a sexual nature. I am very comfortable with texting. Too comfortable maybe because I often find myself choosing to type out a message rather than make a phone call. So much is lost in translation when a conversation lacks tonality and rhythm and volume. Twice I had dates cancel on my via text message. TWICE. So now it's acceptable for guys to cancel without calling?
Sexting and texting are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the lack of etiquette in this system that dating has become. All the rules from my twenties are null and void. The "3 dates before sex" rule apparently doesn't exist any more. Either does the "meet in a public place for the first date" rule. "The guy pays" rule is totally out the window too. For the last six months, I have felt like I've been living on another planet. I'm an alien in the new dating world.
I am a big fan of fashion trends and car trend and travel trends. But dating trends? Most of them, I can live without.
Did I personally receive sex messages? Yes. Many times. Text messages and emails were sent to me containing pictures, videos and sexually explicit invitations. Initially, I didn't know how to respond. I was in shock for a moment before I was a little hurt and then angry. What kind of girl does a guy have to think you are before he sends you a dirty message?
Text messages in general have become such an accepted method of communication that I actually think it inhibits the dating process and not just when the messages are of a sexual nature. I am very comfortable with texting. Too comfortable maybe because I often find myself choosing to type out a message rather than make a phone call. So much is lost in translation when a conversation lacks tonality and rhythm and volume. Twice I had dates cancel on my via text message. TWICE. So now it's acceptable for guys to cancel without calling?
Sexting and texting are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the lack of etiquette in this system that dating has become. All the rules from my twenties are null and void. The "3 dates before sex" rule apparently doesn't exist any more. Either does the "meet in a public place for the first date" rule. "The guy pays" rule is totally out the window too. For the last six months, I have felt like I've been living on another planet. I'm an alien in the new dating world.
I am a big fan of fashion trends and car trend and travel trends. But dating trends? Most of them, I can live without.
January 26, 2009
Am I Good Enough?
So, my six month commitment to dating and to making an effort to find a mate for life is slowly coming to a close. There are exactly 34 days left. Does that mean that all of this should come to an immediate end? Not necessarily. But this experience to this point has left a lot to be desired. In fact, sometimes, I wonder if it's been too hard on me. And much of it has left me wondering, "am I good enough?"
There have been no happy endings up to this point. I have yet to meet anyone I would even be friends with and the rejection I've experienced may have been easier to handle ten years ago. I suppose no matter how hard I tried to eliminate the expectation factor from the equation, it still lingered in the back of my mind. After all, the whole point of this journey was to find the one, the man for me. And while I am an old pro at just having fun, I could never deny that in the midst of a good time, I caught myself making decisions about whether I'd go out with a guy again or have another conversation with him or continue conversing via email. And the decisions were definitive. The fun always ended with something... final.
There's a small part of me that takes comfort in the fact that none of these guys continued to pursue me either. If they believed that I was worth another date, they'd have given it another shot. They would have called. If they wanted to know more about me, they would have written again or called again. But they didn't. Not one of them. Perhaps it was because I was obviously not interested but I can't shake the thought that in every case, it very well could have been that I am not good enough.
Lately, I have been picking myself apart and almost itemizing the reasons why no guy should want to be with me. There's a whole laundry list of past transgressions that, while I don't regret them, make me less of a commodity in a man's future.
I have never needed affirmation from a man in my life. My confidence never wavered. I always believed I was an intelligent, beautiful woman with a great job and a good life that had so much to offer. But now.... after all of this... I don't know anymore.
Am I good enough?
There have been no happy endings up to this point. I have yet to meet anyone I would even be friends with and the rejection I've experienced may have been easier to handle ten years ago. I suppose no matter how hard I tried to eliminate the expectation factor from the equation, it still lingered in the back of my mind. After all, the whole point of this journey was to find the one, the man for me. And while I am an old pro at just having fun, I could never deny that in the midst of a good time, I caught myself making decisions about whether I'd go out with a guy again or have another conversation with him or continue conversing via email. And the decisions were definitive. The fun always ended with something... final.
There's a small part of me that takes comfort in the fact that none of these guys continued to pursue me either. If they believed that I was worth another date, they'd have given it another shot. They would have called. If they wanted to know more about me, they would have written again or called again. But they didn't. Not one of them. Perhaps it was because I was obviously not interested but I can't shake the thought that in every case, it very well could have been that I am not good enough.
Lately, I have been picking myself apart and almost itemizing the reasons why no guy should want to be with me. There's a whole laundry list of past transgressions that, while I don't regret them, make me less of a commodity in a man's future.
I have never needed affirmation from a man in my life. My confidence never wavered. I always believed I was an intelligent, beautiful woman with a great job and a good life that had so much to offer. But now.... after all of this... I don't know anymore.
Am I good enough?
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