Out of Your League

A friend of mine said something interesting the other night. She said, "Michele, guys don't know when they are out of their league." And I've seen evidence to that. I would never consider myself out of a guy's "league" but I do know when I am not a good match for someone. Men seem a little more naive about that.

I hate to keep referring tot he online profile but I must. Your online dating profile is your resume. It speaks of your experience, outlines your desires and details talents. When you post a resume on a job site, you choose the categories or industries in which you would like to work. When you post a profile on a dating site, you select preferences for your mate.

When sifting through the resumes on a job site, employers look for characteristics that are suitable for their open positions. If you have an extensive background in finance, a bank may contact you. If you have years of experience as a forklift driver, the bank is going to pass you over and keep looking.

So it seems to reason, if an online dating profile says "seeking a man between 30 & 40 years of age," guys who are 59, for example, should pass over that resume and keep looking. Or an online dating profile might say, "I'm a tall woman with a little more to love" and viewers of that profile who are obsessed with the gym and would rather not date a woman who weighs over 150 should not even attempt contact. It just ends badly and quite frankly, you're out of your league. Your league is the one with all the petite girls.

It's funny because all for this resume and profile business reminds me of the whole "NO MEANS NO" thing. "No" does not mean maybe. "No" is not another word for "I'll think about it." "No" is not code for "if you keep asking, I might change my mind."

My advice to everyone dating online would be this: read carefully. Know your limits. Know which team your playing for and don't try to play outside of your league.

Is It Just St. Louis?

Is St. Louis the most difficult place in the world to meet someone?

I've believed for a long time that there are a lot of idealists living in St. Louis. On some level, I think it's fantastic. People living by a set of standards that they believe their world should live up to... Why shouldn't you have everything that you believe you deserve? There's a part of me that lives that way. I want the job I want with the pay I am worth. And I want the man that I want too. The problem is... I don't think he's in St. Louis. And I also don't think that I fit within the set of requirements that St. Louis men have set up for their mates.

Four online dating sites and a slew of friends out there keeping their eyes open for my mate and while the "matches" are pouring in, nothing seems to fit.

Is it just St. Louis? Or is this being single after 35 thing a problem everywhere?

I'm Dating

So now, I'm dating. Because I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them, dating strangers doesn't really cause me an anxiety. I look at it as an opportunity to make a friend, not as an interview for a husband.

Dating has always seemed like such a farce to this overly cynical single female. People putting their best feet forward, sporting their best date-night outfits, wearing their best, most sparkling smiles... And there are so many rules. Never kiss on the first date. Sex after the third date. Keep dates short. Make the man pay. Not only am I cynical when it comes to dating, I am also rebellious when rules are forced upon me.

So I decided there was only one way to jump into the dating world. MY WAY.

My way involves meeting people and hanging out. We don't call it dating and we certainly don't follow any silly rules. Removing all those details which are impossible to remember anyway, makes it easier to just get to know a person.

My way also includes activity or something I really like so I know I'll have a good time even if my date is a dud. Whether we go bowling or watch a game at a bar or just have some good wine on a patio somewhere, I am entertained (& hopefully so is he). I also feel like a guy has a better chance of seeing the real me if I am having fun.

Finally, my way means going with the flow. If a guy can't handle spontaneity, it shows early. And I know, he might have a hard time wrangling me in. So, while having basic plans in place is necessary, changing it up in the midst can keep things interesting!

At this point, I have met some very nice people and had a nice time. But, the truth is, I am left with the feeling that, I would really just like to hang out with my friends. I can have this much fun with them...

Nothing dazzling or exciting or life-changing yet, dear readers. But... I'm dating.